So I know that technically today isn’t a blog day, but last week I got some pretty heart-wrenching news that my grandpa had a stroke and as a result from a fall is in the hospital and in the ICU. I was in shock. I immediately booked a flight. That in itself is a task managing the kids but thankfully for family & friends, my unit at home is solid and allowed me to leave for the day.
I didn’t really know what to expect when I got here, but currently, I’m sitting at SFO, decompressing.
It’s heart-wrenching to know that your favorite grandparent is sick. Growing up my parents were divorced so family members played an integral part in my upbringing.
I remember it like it was yesterday that my Dad would pick me up from school and drop me off at my grandparent’s house while he went back to work. My grandpa would give me the TV and let me watch Full House and Family Matters.. every single day. He and my grandmother would sit me in front of the TV in a chair and TV tray and feed me loads of snacks. Sometimes to the point of being SO full, I’d literally be sick to my stomach.
Today seeing him was devastating. Hospitals, in general, are eerie, but to know that this man who was so high up on my totem pole was so helpless made me crumble inside. Here I am, sitting at the airport trying not to completely lose it.
Throughout the day all these different memories flashed back— I remember watching the 49ers game against the Dallas Cowboys and well, obviously he loves the 49ers but me, being me… loved me the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. And he just laughed. Our communication wasn’t the best and clearly, after today it has gotten worse. The language barrier is drastic.
I’d say strawberry and he’d say “es-straw-berries” and I’d die laughing.
My dad reminded me today that he will never be the same. We JUST saw him in April and he was healthy and looked great. My family and I have suffered so much loss over the past two years— I don’t think that I could handle anything g else. I always knew that even as a little girl that if something were to ever happen to my grandpa— I would be beyond devastated.
As for now, he’s getting better and improving every single day and that’s the most that I can wish for. Today was the first trip where being in San Francisco wasn’t a headache, a stress, I really really enjoyed spending time with my grandparents and family. (I’m sure that not having my kids helped— a lot)
From today, I want to be more present, have my kids be more present and to stop being such a bad Chinese mom— my kids have to and should learn Cantonese. Anyone.. want to teach my kids?
I guess on a final note is that one I’m glad that I went up and secondly family and time are of the essence.
Thank you for listening
#thereforyathursday (thanks for being there for me, I’m here for you — always)